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i'm 23 and have had an eating disorder for 3 years. i used to be super thin, like under 90lbs and would beg my parents to buy higher fat food so i could gain weight. in university i put on the bult of my weight and began to really watch what i ate. but i loved food. one day i ate so much that i actually purged by accident. it felt so good and i knew i was hooked. i try not to eat but sometimes i give into the temptation, and then the guilt would kick in and i couldnt stop myself. its like a high, i like doing it. sometimes it hurts but the rush is so good. i like not eating, i wish i could do it more.
i've lost so many friends, but i dont even care. sometimes i want to stop but then i think of the repercussions and think that i may never be able to stop.
it was easy living on my own, but now i live with my boyfriend and he's pretty much clueless. my friends tried to tell him but i said i dont do it anymore. so now i hide, and its so hard sometimes. i pick fights with him just so he'll leave and i can make myself sick.
its just the sacrifices i am willing to make

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