constanthurt

I just saw how donuts are made. GROSS! All that grease and sugar. Soo fattening. I'm never touching that stuff again.

Hello All...

I haven't posted to this community before, so hello!
I dont know where else to go...nobody knows about all the frickin issues i carry around and it is driving me crazy...

The name of this community is me... so i am hoping to find some support :( and i would love to offer support where i can

I have been ana for a long time.. i can't even remember how long... but I have been mia for about 3 + years... i tried recovery for a while.. got fatter... got disgusted... then the mia began... i have weird issues where sometimes food repulses me and i cant eat anything and i dont want to... but then all of a sudden it is a 180 and i have huge cravings and then the bingeing and purging begins,... i dont know what is wrong with me... it all depends on the time of the month i guess.. stupid girl hormones... stupid broken mind... 

I wanted to start a fast today but ended up B/Ping instead because i suck... so tomorrow is the day... 

I see most ppl give stats on the first post here goes...
height: 5'2"
hw: 140
lw: 105
cw: 120 (yuck)

Well I hope all of you are doing much better than i am... and i look forward to being a part of the community.. Take Care All!

I've been fasting for 24 hrs, and I feel so good and empty.. but cold, cold, cold :(
Any of you lovely ladies/gents still up?

 Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! 

I have to go to a dinner party tomorrow...

here are the options

300 calories

600 calories

800 calories

1200 calories

not including the rice or baked potato

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Fasting until tomorrow night, neeed to buuurn caloriesssss!!

Ugh.
I felt SO GOOD yesterday when I saw that number.
The scale is so important to me.
But today, I binged twice, and didn't even purge.
I hate myself. A lot
I haveno motivation for anything. I just don't see the point.
I'm a fat whale. I'm disgusting.
I want to fast but I always screw up. I'm sick of dissapointing myself.
I even got tea, to help with cravings.
But the shit is disgusting.
I want chocolate milk.
I want to curl up and wake up when I'm skinny.

Sorry for whining, I just have no where else to go.

i get to my goal weight, and a day later fucking mess it up. :/
why does this happen everytime.
more than once. when i see that number on the scale i get the best high.
so why do i let myself binge and eat at all.
i ate over 1000 calories today, holy shit! wow-o-wow :(
that really sucks saying, and hearing, and know i put that in my body.
i haven't done this is so long.
and of coarse my dad buys brownie mix and exspects me to make it,
i was like theres no way i'm making those.
i REALLY,really need to get my shit together.
it's bumming me outttttt.

ahh my grandpa just passed away yesterday too. :(

hope everyone is doing better than me.
StayStrongBabes<3

I've had a goodish day, today was the big christmas lunch at school. I ate salad (with dressing) and a few small peices of dry turkey. I don't think thats to bad. Then I worked from 3-10, as a waitress I walk alot! I mean I am lucky if i get a 5 min break. And everyone is just so busy, it's realy easy to pretend I ate supper...I think i over did it today though, I told everyone I had 3 slices of pizza and a pie, because I needed an excuse for why my stomac hurt, lmao. Lots of love <3

MY new fave meal of all time...
its Michelina's Lean Gourmet, its meatloaf with mashed potatoes... and its only 180 cals for the whole freakin meal!>_

so i've made it to 7pm on 0 calories, and all i want is a smoothie.

gaah, trying to pass the time looking for music. it's gotten me this far.
anyone have aim? i'd love to chat.(:

I dont want to post alot about this but can you guys please join RaceToBeThinn community. Its 24/7 posting and support. Quick membership acceptance. ;D I would be uber thankful im trying to get it going. Ty.

thank everyone for theyre support earlier, it meant alot i really wanted to take myself out... it was a really bad afternoon for me, instead of doing anything stupid i just cried for 2 hours, then cleaned my whole house, and i put my christmas tree up today! i wasnt even gonna put it up this year but im glad i did :) and todays intake was 0 so not bad... lol

im gonna binge
im gonna binge
im gonna binge
im gonna binge
im gonna binge
im gonna binge
im gonna binge

...help me....

so, i realise my past posts haven't been anything short of depressing rants. i mean, after fasting you would think i would just assume i would get some of the weight back once i started to eat again. but i still freaked out about it.):

buuut, today is a new day.(:
it's 4pm and i've only had --
Diet Sobe Life Water: 0 cals,
water: 0 cals,
and a diet coke: 0 cals.

so far so good. i'm hoping to keep it at 0 cals today, and for once i think i might be able to. usually when i'm hungry i'm too weak to just deal with it and eat. but today i've been dying and i've hardly considered eating. no idea where this strength has come from, but i'm glad for once i'm in control.

hoping to be back down to 157 by tomorrow. going to try and fast until monday night (dinner with my mom and her boyfriend).


stay strong loves.<33

Ugh I didn't eat anything today, which feels really nice. But I have a big-deal important lunch party tomorrow. And everyone made their own food so they'll be offended if I don't eat it. They kept trying to get me to eat donuts today (I didn't feel tempted but I still hated every second of it).

I had some coffee this morning
skinny water all day (if you don't know, Skinny Water is amazing. It's $1 at grocery stores, 0 calories and it has green tea extract to stop hunger. OH AND IT's DELICIOUs qwhgwfdhg)
and some chai tea
Also I went XMas shopping for an hour :) burn those cals.

So after tomorrow I think I'll pretty much.. never eat again ever lmao

( also if you guys need cheering up.. I made this for my BFF today ♥ )

How many cals do squats burn? What other indoor exercise can i do to burn about 50-100 cals?

im staring down a bottle of vodka, and a razor .. i hope i can get the fucking courage to end it.

omg ive had a crazy few days, so much shit has happened at home! i hevent been able to get on here as my mum confiscated my laptop :( she also confiscated my car and my phone .... all i did was spend the night at my bfs and i forgot to tell her! so she started with the whole if i forgot i musnt care about her and all that crap...

anyway everything is fine now.. i apologised for like the 100th time and i cooked her dinner and bought her a present so she let up on her mad at me game...

well i had my interview today at the modeling agency...they signed me! but with conditions! that i stop plucking my eye brows and then they they style them..so able :) stop using fake tan and try and get as pale as possible...this i was mortified at but i didnt let up...being brown makes me look thinner :( AND I HAVE TO LOOSE WEIGHT i was expecting this but i thought they would want me to loads but they just said i need to tone up my bum and thighs cause they werent in perportion with my top half( im like a uk 4/6 on top and 6/8 bottom) so they want me to be an even 6....do able i currently weigh 117 so they said around 105/100 i should be good... my ugw is 98 im thinking that there just saying that number now but when i get there theyll want me to loose more so im just going to set my ugw as ... AS LOW AS I CAN GET untill the 10th of jan...thats the date they gave me for me to achive all this!!

so by the 10th of jan 2010 i have to be 100/105 and white as possible with mayjor eyebrows...hmmm if i was a healthy person who lost weight the healthy way i would never loose 12 pounds in that amout of time so basically there telling me to starve myself.. i can see why so many models develop eating disorders but im already there ! :( they asked me aswell what my 'methods of looseing weight' are i just said i was a gym freak and loved to excersise and eat all healthy foods...they were happy with that! im not going to say oh i starve myself then purge what ever i do eat! ha! asif im gonna tell them that!

anyway so my new goals are:

cw:117
lw:114
hw:140ish
gw: 100 10th of jan! need to be this or they will drop me :(
so i have like what 3 weeks 2days to loose 12 pounds hmmm x

well, not experiencing hunger cravings yet, I know I will at some point, but I'm prepared.
Yesterday I was only supposed to have a salad for dinner, but I ended up having half a calzone and I piece of chocolate. I'm not freaking out though. Rather have that then end up binging later.

Today is going well. very well. It's 3 pm and I've only had 60 cals of hot chocolate. YAY!
I'm going to a massive party tonight this will involve alcohol and copious amounts of weed. I'm prepared, I won't touch the food. As long as I don't taste it I will be fine.

todays stats:
CW: 135
GW:120 ( BMI 18ish)

lbs lost: 8

YAAAAY!!!

(I can see me ribs, thank you dear lord)

STAY STRONG!!!

Hey Join community RaceToBeThinn please and Tell all your friends. Thank you

So I seriously just THOUGHT about eating. Omg. But I didn't do it. I'm a fat cow at 155 (prolly less now but still damn I need a scale), I do NOT need to be feeding my face I mean I can live on the freaking land for at least a year hahaha. Anyway so I didn't do it and I'm not gonna. I've already had 600 cals today n I refuse to have anything else. I'm happy n hyper...I am fine without food. Yeah DAMMIT!